| ALMost DoNe!!! |
[December 2nd, 2004 - 9:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
Well, I have 11 more days of school left and then I am out of this waste of time. I can't believe how much of my life I have wasted away by going to school and being left with nothing to show for it but a couple of A's and B's on a meaningless piece of paper... I dont remember shit from all my years. All I ever learned were the basics thats all thats ever stuck in my mind. As far as biology and chemistry and reading and writing I haven't learned a damn thing because I can't remember it and I can't remember it because I haven't used any of it and thats how it is going to be for the rest of my life so therefore I feel I have done nothing but waste my time.
I have to start college soon and I'm not excited. I dont wanna do all that work but I know it will pay off in 2 years. its not that long. I wish I could just skip the work and get the job but oh well thats not gonna happen. I'm done I'll update again when I get out of school and I bet i will be MUCH happier.
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| ok ok ok |
[September 29th, 2004 - 9:26am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
Ok, so its been a super super long time since i have wrote in this thing. couple of new things have been goin down lately. First, i just want to say that shellys birthday party was awesome. she is goin to buy me a pack of cigarettes after school today cuz she is 18 whoooowhooo lol. next i hate my job at turtle wax everyone there sux besides angela britt terrence gina tina and of course my baby josh. I love him so much and he is everything i have always wanted in a guy plus more. all of my other boyfriends i've had in the past dont even compare to him. hes perfect and he'll beat anyone up lol j/j. anyway thats about it i hate school and its gettin cold out i dont like the cold. i miss partying in comfortable weather and not having to bundle up just to smoke a bowl. it sux. i get outta school in like 50 somethin days and i can't wait. no more fuckin wasting my time here oohhhh yea. thats all for now ttyl
KIM
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| WOOOOOOw |
[August 26th, 2004 - 9:20am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
Wow, its been a while. Well i am in school right now and it doesn't suck as much as last year BECAUSE i have newspaper which is the shit then i have study hall another study hall (so i sleep for 2 hours in the newspaper room) then workprogram class then gym and i leave at 1230 EVERYDAY! ohhhhh yea. i have an awesome boyfriend that i LOVE :) this one isn't a fag like the last one. haha. anyway... thats all for now bye
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| well well well |
[April 20th, 2004 - 1:17pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
Well, the tickets are BOOKED, yea thats right, no backin out now. WE are going to COLORADO HELL YEAAAA! In other news, me and angela got our bunny lol soooooo fuckin cute! I LOVE her. shes white with floppy ears and she hops around everywhere. soo adorable. anyway, i'm outta here just thought i would let u all know. later
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| FUUUUUCCCKKKK YEAAAA!!!! |
[April 19th, 2004 - 2:51pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
] |
You're addicted to.....
Alcohol!
Mmmmmmm, Mmmmmm, Bitch! I like you, alcohol is one
of the better things to be addicted to. The
only bad part is it makes you feel like doing
nothing and the next morning you get a terrible
hangover.
What are you addicted to? (pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Oh my God |
[April 12th, 2004 - 12:43am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
I'm shocked, very very confused probly the most i've ever been in my whole life and I can not sleep. It just keeps playin over and over in my mind. Do i still love him? or do i love someone else far away? Why is it that people seem to express their feelings all together at the same time? Just the other day I thought I was in this blissful heaven, everything was perfect. I wasn't thinkin about anyone but him, I couldn't wait for him to come to me,we were finally going to get to where we first intended to go way back in November, but now all in a matter of 2 hours I'm not as sure as I used to be about that.I still want that more than anything, but gradually something else is sneaking in and eating at the back of my mind. Its not him, its an old love that I can't decide what I'm feeling towards. This isn't the first time hes made my heart skip a beat either, but back then I was just a young girl. He said stuff tonite and my heart almost jumped out of my chest.... Its amazing, ya know, after all these years it still feels like this. 2 years ago almost to date. Its scary. I wish for this for so long and thought it would never come true, and who knows if its coming true or if its just going to end up nothing. Jesus Christ, why me, why now after so long, why like this?
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[April 9th, 2004 - 12:15am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
god, i fuckin hate this shit now, i hate both of my jobs i want buy the weigh back. the more i talk to john the more i think about what things would be like now, my friends fucked me over once again,which isn't too surprising i dunno why i even bother anymore. nothing is going right and it never does. i can tell already that my break is gonna blow big time
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| .... |
[April 5th, 2004 - 3:50pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
] |
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
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| To the Girl that will Replace Me.... |
[April 5th, 2004 - 2:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection. First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly. Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep brown eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost- a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him, unless you really mean it, nothing hurts him more then someone who really doesn’t care. Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but... just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful brown eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him... He won't ever try to hurt you, because he just isn't that way, so please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the boy that I love and knowing that you hurt him. You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for... He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names, despite the anger he may be feeling. Though he may act mature, most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile, in a way that words can not explain. Don't hold a tight grip on him, let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space, but don't worry... He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts. You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met, so please don't take him for granted. When it comes to his money, don't take advantage of that, He will be so unselfish with it, because that is the way he is. Remember,if he eats, he likes to eat junk food for breakfast lunch and dinner, likes his cheeseburgers with just ketchup, he'll never just let you win a game of bowling, he's not the greatest at air hokey,he likes going downtown in the summer,hes deathly afraid of heights,and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised. He is less tough than he may appear, you just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard... He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart, the same way that my heart breaks apart, as I sit here writing this to you. Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful nurse and won't ever let you give up on your dreams, either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down. He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you, because he is there. And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him... Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so, for the rest of time... I promise, you will because I do and always will forever.
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| How well do you really know me? |
[April 1st, 2004 - 1:11pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
Well, apparently people think they know my life so well so maybe you can answer me these few questions okay. First of all, do I have my fucking license? I'm thinking that would be how I get to work.And the only reason why Chris drove me home from school is because we wanted to see each other before he went to work cuz we both worked all night. Who said I had problems sleeping at night? lol I smoke cuz its fun and it just so happens that I go into a deeper sleep after i smoke and feel more rested. And ur right I was slightly upset that me and Chris weren't gonna work out again but you know what, I'm not a pussy so I dont sit and cry and wonder how things would be now if we were together. He's not the only guy I've gone out with I have my whole life ahead of me and I am not worried about him anymore. When I know thatsomeone doesn't feel the same towards me I forget about them cuz they dont concern me anymore. Life isn't about being a fuckin dork and reading books all the time so therefore I believe that I should have as much fun as possible everyday. Drinking is fun and I enjoy smoking. I'm not gonna live in a box for the rest of my life because I party lol.
AND SINCE YOU SEEM TO KNOW MY LIFE AND WHAT I THINK, CAN YOU TELL ME WHO ELSE BESIDES GINO I HAVE FUCKED? Oh and by the way, Gino knows about that, he fucks other girls too slick. We just have that kind of relationship, isn't it nice.
Normally I wouldn't explain myself to anyone, but since u are so ignorant to all the things you wrote about me, I figured I would set the record straight.
I didn't ask you to comment in my journal either so do me this favor, if ur gonna say shit like that in attempt to change my thoughts on life, at least leave me your name or call me and talk to me sensibly because maybe then you could understand my "fucked logic" cuz it really isn't that fucked if you talk to me in person. thanks.
KIM
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| Another Fun Filled Day! |
[March 30th, 2004 - 2:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
Well, I think i can honestly say that things can't get any worse. I have 2 jobs now and I am not very fond of either of them but its money until I find something better. I'm sitting in study hall right now with a bunch of loser kids and its not fun at all. I'm getting excited about the summer tho, I really need a vacation. I guess even if Gino doesn't want us to come out there in June I'll still go for Angelas sake. Apparently little miss smart angela decided to dump water on Tony at lunch so he pushed her and who knows what happened now. I really hate this place but summer is comin up. We only have like 7 school days left til spring break so thats good. I dont think I can take another month of school and tests. I'm so tired especially today because Gino called me at 3:00 am and screamed wake up in my ear! Then he hung up and waited for me to just start fallin back asleep and called again to talk lol. thanks a lot! I dont really know how I feel about him at all, I really dont think I have any feelings for him tho. I used to look forward to his phone calls but then I realized he's not the person I expect him to be and he never will be. Not that I expect him personally to be this loving guy, but thats what I expect out of a boyfriend period. But then he says things like things would be different if he were here and we would probably be together and I think about whether I would be happy with him or not. I dont really think so tho. I never think about him and I couldn't care less if he calls me or not and sometimes I contemplate even picking up my phone at all. I finally accepted that things with Chris will never be the same and its pretty much over so I really dont have that I love him so much feeling in my mind for anyone at all. I used to wish things were back to the way they were before all this bullshit happened but its obvious that hes done so I'm not going to let myself cry and worry if I'll ever be that happy again cuz I know I will. I was happy with Gino but I realized I didn't have any feelings for him so I'm not sad about that. I guess I really dont feel anything towards anyone anymore, I'm just numb on the inside.And thats cool with me because it has to be. I can't dwell in the past I have to move on even tho its hard. I woulda been better this time tho I know that. I guess I'll just save this new effort for someone who needs me too. Cuz i know for a fact that I need someone, I just can't figure out who without knowing who needs me too. I'm outta here now thanks for reading!
<3 kimberly
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| I miss him, you know? I'm just not used to being without him. But I wanted him to think that I was |
[March 25th, 2004 - 10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
Just incase you stumble across this page again, I want you to know that I think about you always, when I told you that I love you I didn't mean that I would only love you for a certain amount of time... I meant I would love you forever no matter what. And thats just what I'm going to do. I know I've hurt you more than I'll ever understand, but please realize that I'm feeling the pain times 5 cuz I know how you felt then and I know how I feel now... so if you dont reply to this then I'll take it as you want me to say goodbye for good this time, and if you do then I'll let you take it from here. Please read it all. I love you.
I never knew what I had until the first day it wasn't there
And I dont understand by the way you look at me, why we can't be together
I miss you. not enough to want you back completely but, just enough for it to hurt
There are so many things I'm not sure of in life, but with all certainty at this very minute, all I know is that I miss him
I was lost. There was nobody for me to talk to about all that you were troubling me with. So I sat alone, with everything inside, and cried myself to sleep
Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning...breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out....and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how great and perfect I had it once
I miss you when something really good happens, because your the one i want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because your the one who understands me so well. I miss you when i laugh and cry, because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and tears dissapear. I miss you all the time, but i miss you the most when i lie awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other
Who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is the one making you cry
Once my lover, now my friend, what a cruel thing to pretend
I'm so confused.. I mean I wanna let go.. I wanna let go of all this pain, but I'm afraid I'll go insane.. he may come back, I have some hope, but with everything else, how can I cope. I wanna let go.. I'm gonna let go, but If I wait and see, will he come back to me?
A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried
Do you ever think about me? do you every cry yourself to sleep? in the middle of the night while youre awake.. are you calling out to me?
As long as the stars shine down from the heavens, long as the rivers run to the sea, I'll never get over you getting over me
I'm not old enough to care, but I am old enough to understand that when someone walks away, they're always gonna come back. And if they don't come back... they were never really there
I am just wondering, does it hurt you to know that everytime I see you I feel like crying? That when I see your face something inside of me dies just a little bit more, or when I see you frown I want more than anything to kiss your pain away
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| She must be new.... |
[March 25th, 2004 - 9:56pm] |
So today was my very first day of work at Papa John's. It wasn't bad at all actually. I was so nervous I thought i was gonna wreck everything and drop peoples food and make the computers blow up but really i didn't do anything like that at all. I make breadsticks and cheese sticks pretty good but i can't make a damn pizza for shit! lol. my manager is a dike and a lil crazy about the dough being perfect but hey its a job. The night went by so fast I hope every day goes by this fast but I doubt it will. Angelas cousin tony ended up getting the job as manager there too so that should be interesting. Me and the delivery guy john made a pizza for ourselves and I thought that making pizzas would suck but its actually pretty fun. So the next time I work is sunday 4:30-when ever they let me go lol. So I'm outta here now going to bed
KIM
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| this is so me! |
[March 24th, 2004 - 2:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate too and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination of
your relationship, it should be united,
together. You dont want an relationship without
passion, and the sexuality plays a big part.
The first moment you meet him/her is one of the
most important. There has to be something
between you both you cannot explain. From the
first moment everything must fix. But when this
passion disappears you disappear to. For you it
is better to leave than to see your love
restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
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| i'm at morain valley |
[March 24th, 2004 - 10:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
Well, I am on my " field trip " at Moraine Valley and I have to say that this is the worst library I have ever been to in my life. Richards has better books on this shit. I dont understand what the point of writing a research paper is when all critics ever did was write about their own interpretation of the poems. Why can't i do that? i could write for hours if i could explain what I think the role of the witches in Macbeth are... but no, we have to read what some schmuck wrote about and it is considered correct because he got his book published. thats kinda dumb. research is supposed to be facts, now if i could find shakespeare and ask him what the role of the witches in macbeth was, it would be a different story cuz the man wrote the poem. and of course he didn't write any books explaining why he put witches in this poem. Oh well i'm babbling but i have to say its helping me concentrate. So I got a job at Papa Johns so that is real good. its better than mcdonalds too cuz if i worked there everyone would just expect free food from me but i can't do that at papa johns. i'm kinda nervous my first day is tomorrow, i feel like i'm gonna mess something up. oh well tho i gotta start a new job sometime and tis probably easier than mcdonalds cuz there isn't that much to learn. i'll get the hang of it after the first few weeks and i wont complain either cuz i'll have money which is what i need. well i'm gonna go i'll probably update again later cuz i'm here from 8am-2:30pm. long day of doing nothing. i wont even write my research paper either cuz i dont know what the fuck to write! well i'm outta here now
<3 Kimberly
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| cRaSh!!!! |
[March 20th, 2004 - 6:44pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
So yesterday was pretty interesting... Me and Tina got in an accident. So this is what happened: I was on my way home and Tina just happened to be behind me in the camaro and she was messin around ridin my ass and i was punchin the gas and takin off and stuff you know how it is. Then I went to go turn left onto my block and Tina went to kinda burn past me and as I was turning she tried to pass me and the front of my car hit the side of the camaro and her car went sideways and spun out and went up on the grass. It wasn't good at all. She ended up getting the ticket tho considering she was on the wrong side of the road and speeding. It sux that it happened really bad. My parents weren't mad at all but if it were my fault they would be pissseeed! So I came home and took a shower and then eventually went to Angelas. Then we went to Chans and it wasn't bad. we had an okay time. I was home a lil earlier than I had to be... about an hour and a half but oh well. Now i'm just chillin waitin to take a shower and do something, I dont really know what tho.
KIM
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| i am a dreamer.. and he is my dream |
[March 18th, 2004 - 4:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
I'm just chillin here listenin to some music and reading quotes...
What if finding the love of your life, meant changing the life that you loved?
throughout a girls life, she will probably kiss alot of guys, and i can promise you she will forget about almost half of those guys, she'll remember a few, but there will be that one guy, that one kiss, that one moment, that she will remember the rest of her life, you were that one guy, that one kiss, and that one moment
There's something about the look in your eyes. Something I noticed when the light was just right. It reminded me twice that I was alive and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.*
I know when u leave, the distance will keep us a..p..a..r..t. But distance, no matter how far, can't change these feelings in my heart
contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they dont see it nearly enough
thats all i had nothing else to do but read quotes so i decided to put up the ones i REALLY liked.
<3KIM<3
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| I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy.. asking him to love her |
[March 17th, 2004 - 2:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
Well, my weekend was quite interesting. Friday, was a little bit scary cuz my poor Anjellybean got sick and had to go to the hospital :( but shes okay now and thats good.I ended up going to the condo with ryan and going bowling with all of his friends. Gino seemed to want to talk to me quite a bit that night. I almost got kid napped by a bunch of negro guys while i was on the phone with him too. And if i weren't on the phone, I probly woulda wet my pants i was so freaked out. And then I got with ryan.
Saturday I chilled at my house until Shelly picked me up and we went to daves. We smoked and I got a 102 fever that sucked a lot. We went to Angela's and chilled even tho i felt like I was dieing. I went home at about 11 and called my <3Gino<3 he told me how to get my fever down and we talked for quite a while.
Sunday...Me and Angela went to the condo again and we watched a lot of movies. I got with ryan again and I still can't bring myself to wanna do anything with him again because all I keep thinking about is.. what if this were Gino...I wish this were Gino. So we decided to leave and have a drinking bash at Angelas. Her daddy got us alcohol and I had my bacardi silver that made my tummy hurt which is why i stopped drinking it in the 1st place lol. But no worries, I drank it all and got high too. I talked to Gino about a lot of things most were pretty serious. 2 hour conversation about sex and being together and me living on base...Brittany and I reconciled our differences and we had a nice little talk, so now were friends and we realized its actually fun hanging out together we get along well. There were a lot of laughs and also an argument between me and that kid peanut. I didn't like him at first but he appologized. He said some mean things.
And now I'm at school.I feel like im in 7th grade again. You know how when you liked a boy you got all obsessed with him and got all giggly when you talked to him. I haven't been in that situation in about...4 years! It feels good. I really shouldn't be getting all goofy about him because I'm scared hes only gonna let me down again. Hes all I think about just hearing his voice isn't enough for me anymore. I can't wait until June. I have decided that even if my mom says no I'm still going. I do not care anymore. I find myself checking my mail box every time I get home and sitting by my phone and watching it to see if he calls or text messages me. Maybe I feel like this cuz hes so hard to get. But then again he went out with Lupe. I just wanna tell him how I feel but that might get me no where with him fast. What if I tell him and he just stops calling me? Maybe I'll wait til I get there and tell him then. Its amazing how he makes me so happy even though hes like 1000 miles away and how he doesn't even know it. It just boggles my mind, do I make him as happy as he makes me? Maybe I'll have enough guts to ask him that in the next letter.
I want to give you a kiss, but I can't. I want to give you a hug, but I can't. At the very LEAST,I want to hold your hand. But I can't do that either because you are so far away. So I gave you the one thing I could.... My heart
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| Eric Clapton |
[March 8th, 2004 - 9:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
So I was listening to Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and it definitely made me cry. I really dont know why tho. I have been doing a lot of thinking and i've been gettin so emotional over things i just can't figure out. I think its because I miss the little things a boyfriend does for his girl, i mean i dont want a boyfriend i just want a boy that treats me like that lol. and most of all i want that with Gino and I think i'm getting my hopes so high about all this shit and I shouldn't be because hes there and i'm here and even if we wanted to decide what we are there would be no point and I'm pretty sure that the fact that its pointless to establish any title at all with him is what is making me cry so much. And to top it all off I am just so sick of school and I really want to go to Colorado to visit them and I have to get a job at McDonalds just to do that and he doesn't even realize the things I would do just to see him. He doesn't even know that he is all I think about.
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| BIRTHDAY!!! |
[February 18th, 2004 - 1:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
Well, my birthday is coming up very soon. I'm very excited. Me and Chris aren't together anymore and i dont really know how i feel about that... In a way i miss him and then again in another i feel like maybe i should move on and try new things. And if its meant to be then i guess it will work itself out. Personally i think we are 2 opposite people that are just not attracting anymore. We dont do the same things, he plays video games and I drink to have fun. I like to beat people up and laugh at them he wont even tap a person. We just dont connect. I can talk about my feelings and he doesn't even say whats on his mind. Well, I'm excited about my birthday, Gino is officially in colorado which sux, nice and far now. This weekend is gonna be incredible! Well, i'm outta here now cuz i'm at school and the bell is gonna ring and i have to go to another class.
KIM
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kimmerson0022's journal